I have a dozen ideas for posts running in my head in a constant loop. I have a half dozen or so in some form or another as drafts on this site. So it makes no sense to post this brand new thought as an entry except that it just struck me and I really want my husband to read it.
Thank you Bray for your respect. Thank you for listening to what I have to say and not rolling your eyes like I don't know what I'm talking about. Thank you for not dismissing me.
If you read marriage books, which I do from time to time, they often highlight that a woman needs to be loved and a man needs to be respected. There's a constant emphasis on a husband's need for respect. I don't disagree. But there's really not much discussion about a wife's need for respect.
I've encountered several examples of a disrespectful husband (as well as a disrespected one) but very recently was confronted with a glaring example. A couple, married many years, was bantering in their usual way. The back and forth, yin and yang, to which they gave no thought. However, I couldn't help but notice how the wife was dismissed. Her ideas discounted. Her words spoken over. Her input marginalized. Now this was not the husband's attitude toward women. In fact, my words were given merit and weight. It was just his attitude toward his wife. And in that moment, it made me immensely grateful for my marriage.
I've written from time to time about my marriage though not nearly like I write about my children or my faith because my husband is a private person. I've written that we've had struggles but that I also am madly in love with my husband. Today gave me yet another reason to add to that list. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I can come up with some pretty wacky ideas. And I have no shortage of opinions. Timidity and passivity are not accusations lobbed against me. My husband experiences all of this and more first hand on a nightly basis. And yet I never doubt that he values my opinion, even if he disagrees with it. I never believe that he thinks I am ignorant or incoherent. I believe he thinks that I add value to a discussion - whether it be about family finances, faith or simply our schedule for the month. I feel as if I am part of a partnership.
And I trust him too. I value his opinion. I believe that he is wise. And prudent. And thoughtful. And good. I respect him. And he respects me. I value that immeasurably. So I just wanted to take this little Internet space to vocalize my gratitude. Thank you B - I love you.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
What Can Stop You?
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
What could stand against.
Our God; Lyrics by Chris Tomlin
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8; Lyrics by God
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
What could stand against.
Our God; Lyrics by Chris Tomlin
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8; Lyrics by God
Friday, May 27, 2011
Our Story: Part 5, Positive
This has been a rough week. So more than ever, it's so special for me to share this portion of our story. Having recovered from the surgery and the holidays, we talked about what to do and agreed together that we would try ONE more round of IVF. We met with Dr. C to pick a time for our final attempt. We'd been incredibly fortunate to have insurance cover most of our previous treatments, but this one was fully out of pocket so we knew we'd walk away if the third time wasn't the charm. We also went on one last long weekend away - a romantic trip over Valentine's Day to Santa Fe. I had begun the medication earlier so I had to pack a bag full of medication and needles, but other than that it was another wonderful trip - one year after our trip to the Hill Country.
Once we returned, they scheduled the date for the egg retrieval. My hormones, which had always been so consistent the previous rounds, were all over the map. The doctor didn't know what was going on, and mere days before the retrieval was scheduled, he told me he didn't think they would be able to do it this round if things didn't turn around. I remember getting the news and driving to a Beth Moore Bible Study on The Inheritance crying the whole way. While the music was playing, I knelt down at the altar at the front of the church and just cried out to God for Him to help. To intervene. And then Beth Moore was kneeling down with me, praying over me and for me, and I stood up remembering that He had a plan and I would trust Him to unfold it.
The next day, my hormone levels shot back up to where they were supposed to be. They retrieved 15 eggs, over 10 of them fertilized, and on Day 5 we were back in for our final IVF transfer. With our previous IVF attempts, we'd transferred three embryos for the fresh cycle, and four for the frozen cycle. Dr. C was standing in front of us asking us to decide whether to transfer two or three. The news on the embryos was very positive - they were "beautiful" he said. If we transferred three, our chances of getting pregnant increased, but we had a 10% chance of twins and a 1% chance of triplets. Bray and I looked at each other, even though we'd had these discussions before, and said we would rather have three than zero. I remember those words. The procedure was uneventful. I returned home for a week of bed rest. I couldn't be too careful I decided and my doctor encouraged me taking the time off from work.
We transferred on a Saturday so we could take a pregnancy test a week later, March 14th. I told the family we couldn't test until Monday so we could sit with the results first. Saturday morning, Bray drove out of town for a funeral but said he'd be back that afternoon. Even he didn't know I was scheduled for a blood test that morning. I drove myself to the lab only to find they had never received the paperwork from the doctor. Here I was on PINS AND NEEDLES and they couldn't do a blood test (and they couldn't reach my doctor on a Saturday). So I drove to Walgreens and bought a box with two pregnancy tests. I rushed home, went to the bathroom, and two minutes later two very clear lines appeared. Doubting that it was real, an hour later I took the second test. Two lines again. I rummaged through my drawer and found an old digital pregnancy test. I took it. It said PREGNANT. About that time, my doctor called to check on me. He apologized for the lab paperwork not being ready and told me I could take a home pregnancy test. I said, "I did. I took three." (Little did I realize how ironic that would become.) You could hear the disappointment in his voice when he said, "oh, and nothing?" I said, "No, they all are positive." His demeanor immediately changed, and he proclaimed his happiness. But I said, "How do I know they're right? How accurate is this?" He was able to tell me they are very accurate and that you don't have false positives.
Bray arrived home a couple of hours later. I had boxed up a bib and a onesie, I'd bought years before - one said, My other car seat is on a tractor, and the other simply said I love my daddy. When he opened the present, I think that may be the happiest I had ever seen him. He too questioned whether or not we could rely on the tests; we'd be disappointed so many times. I informed him of Dr. C's reassuring words - the test is positive, it means it's positive. I remember the words running through my head on a loop, like the news ticker on CNN, I am pregnant, I am pregnant, I am pregnant.
Once we returned, they scheduled the date for the egg retrieval. My hormones, which had always been so consistent the previous rounds, were all over the map. The doctor didn't know what was going on, and mere days before the retrieval was scheduled, he told me he didn't think they would be able to do it this round if things didn't turn around. I remember getting the news and driving to a Beth Moore Bible Study on The Inheritance crying the whole way. While the music was playing, I knelt down at the altar at the front of the church and just cried out to God for Him to help. To intervene. And then Beth Moore was kneeling down with me, praying over me and for me, and I stood up remembering that He had a plan and I would trust Him to unfold it.
The next day, my hormone levels shot back up to where they were supposed to be. They retrieved 15 eggs, over 10 of them fertilized, and on Day 5 we were back in for our final IVF transfer. With our previous IVF attempts, we'd transferred three embryos for the fresh cycle, and four for the frozen cycle. Dr. C was standing in front of us asking us to decide whether to transfer two or three. The news on the embryos was very positive - they were "beautiful" he said. If we transferred three, our chances of getting pregnant increased, but we had a 10% chance of twins and a 1% chance of triplets. Bray and I looked at each other, even though we'd had these discussions before, and said we would rather have three than zero. I remember those words. The procedure was uneventful. I returned home for a week of bed rest. I couldn't be too careful I decided and my doctor encouraged me taking the time off from work.
We transferred on a Saturday so we could take a pregnancy test a week later, March 14th. I told the family we couldn't test until Monday so we could sit with the results first. Saturday morning, Bray drove out of town for a funeral but said he'd be back that afternoon. Even he didn't know I was scheduled for a blood test that morning. I drove myself to the lab only to find they had never received the paperwork from the doctor. Here I was on PINS AND NEEDLES and they couldn't do a blood test (and they couldn't reach my doctor on a Saturday). So I drove to Walgreens and bought a box with two pregnancy tests. I rushed home, went to the bathroom, and two minutes later two very clear lines appeared. Doubting that it was real, an hour later I took the second test. Two lines again. I rummaged through my drawer and found an old digital pregnancy test. I took it. It said PREGNANT. About that time, my doctor called to check on me. He apologized for the lab paperwork not being ready and told me I could take a home pregnancy test. I said, "I did. I took three." (Little did I realize how ironic that would become.) You could hear the disappointment in his voice when he said, "oh, and nothing?" I said, "No, they all are positive." His demeanor immediately changed, and he proclaimed his happiness. But I said, "How do I know they're right? How accurate is this?" He was able to tell me they are very accurate and that you don't have false positives.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
An Inch Away
Recently I read a post by a mom who had triplets close in age to my children. And even though this wasn't the topic of her post, rather it was focused on kid sleep issues, she made this comment in passing, "the baby's been sleeping with my husband and I (who are about an inch away from divorce)." That parenthetical has stuck in my head on auto-replay. I started writing this post a few weeks ago, but couldn't come to terms with how to say what I wanted to say.
Lately, divorcing couples have assaulted me and my comfort zone. I know two triplet moms who are finalizing or in the midst of divorces. They have, respectively, 7 month olds and 2 year olds. I know of several triplet families that are "near" divorce, self-professed. I am watching several couples without multiples debate whether it's worth it to continue through the battlefield their marriages have become. It is bloodshed everywhere I turn this year.
Maybe I am particularly aware of it given my childhood. I swore because my parents got divorced that I never would. And I waited a long time to get married, deciding early on that I'd rather be alone than in an angry marriage or nursing divorce-injuries. I recognize that I've been blessed. That I have a husband that I love, that loves me back, and that is committed to making our marriage, our life, our home work. It doesn't mean we don't fight, we had a doozy of one two weeks ago. Marriage is WORK. It does mean though, at least for Bray and me, at the end of the day we love each other and are committed to providing a safe and happy home for our children and ourselves.
But there are a lot of couples out there that are either "an inch away" from leaving their marriage behind permanently or have already done so. Certainly some of those situations can not be helped - a spouse leaves you for another or is abusive. But so many of these marriages can be restored.
Once a wedge has developed in our marriages, it becomes easy to focus on the bad rather than the good. To highlight the bad to the other person. To allow everything to become a massive battle even if it's unimportant. You feel the need to be right regardless of whether it's worth the damage that need causes. What if, instead of only looking for the negative, you only looked for the positive. You only spoke about the positive. I wonder, if we could start reversing the process. Slowly, of course. You don't go from an inch away from divorce to a mile away from divorce overnight. But you might be able to be two inches away from divorce overnight. And then six inches. And then a foot. It's work, but it can be done if you are willing to put in the effort.
I led a bible study one summer from a tiny little book by Lysa Terkeurst, who I quote periodically. It's called Capture His Heart. I highly recommend this little book. I'll even mail you a copy - I keep extras around my house. An important thing she points out is that you can only do the work for you. You can't do the work for both of you. And you can't keep score. You can't expect a certain response for some new positive behavior or action you implement. You have to do it because you want your marriage to work. You do not want to be a statistic. You may not like your husband today, but surely you can look back and remember why you fell in love with him. Surely you can respect him. Surely you can raise children that will love and respect their father. And if you don't think, in this moment, that you can, then God can. God can restore your marriage. And He wants to. If you think you have it bad, I assure you, I have some friends whose stories would stand your hair on end. But they committed to themselves, to God, to their children, that they would try, and God has restored their marriages in a way that I thought would never be possible.
I encourage you today, if your marriage is in a dark spot, focus on one positive thing about your husband. Speak kind words. Move the needle, even if it's only another inch. Pray for restoration. God wants to intervene.
Matthew 4 - “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Proverbs 31 - A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
I Corinthians 13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Matthew 7 - “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
Ephesians 5 - For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory...forever.
Lately, divorcing couples have assaulted me and my comfort zone. I know two triplet moms who are finalizing or in the midst of divorces. They have, respectively, 7 month olds and 2 year olds. I know of several triplet families that are "near" divorce, self-professed. I am watching several couples without multiples debate whether it's worth it to continue through the battlefield their marriages have become. It is bloodshed everywhere I turn this year.
Maybe I am particularly aware of it given my childhood. I swore because my parents got divorced that I never would. And I waited a long time to get married, deciding early on that I'd rather be alone than in an angry marriage or nursing divorce-injuries. I recognize that I've been blessed. That I have a husband that I love, that loves me back, and that is committed to making our marriage, our life, our home work. It doesn't mean we don't fight, we had a doozy of one two weeks ago. Marriage is WORK. It does mean though, at least for Bray and me, at the end of the day we love each other and are committed to providing a safe and happy home for our children and ourselves.
But there are a lot of couples out there that are either "an inch away" from leaving their marriage behind permanently or have already done so. Certainly some of those situations can not be helped - a spouse leaves you for another or is abusive. But so many of these marriages can be restored.
Once a wedge has developed in our marriages, it becomes easy to focus on the bad rather than the good. To highlight the bad to the other person. To allow everything to become a massive battle even if it's unimportant. You feel the need to be right regardless of whether it's worth the damage that need causes. What if, instead of only looking for the negative, you only looked for the positive. You only spoke about the positive. I wonder, if we could start reversing the process. Slowly, of course. You don't go from an inch away from divorce to a mile away from divorce overnight. But you might be able to be two inches away from divorce overnight. And then six inches. And then a foot. It's work, but it can be done if you are willing to put in the effort.
I led a bible study one summer from a tiny little book by Lysa Terkeurst, who I quote periodically. It's called Capture His Heart. I highly recommend this little book. I'll even mail you a copy - I keep extras around my house. An important thing she points out is that you can only do the work for you. You can't do the work for both of you. And you can't keep score. You can't expect a certain response for some new positive behavior or action you implement. You have to do it because you want your marriage to work. You do not want to be a statistic. You may not like your husband today, but surely you can look back and remember why you fell in love with him. Surely you can respect him. Surely you can raise children that will love and respect their father. And if you don't think, in this moment, that you can, then God can. God can restore your marriage. And He wants to. If you think you have it bad, I assure you, I have some friends whose stories would stand your hair on end. But they committed to themselves, to God, to their children, that they would try, and God has restored their marriages in a way that I thought would never be possible.
I encourage you today, if your marriage is in a dark spot, focus on one positive thing about your husband. Speak kind words. Move the needle, even if it's only another inch. Pray for restoration. God wants to intervene.
Matthew 4 - “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Proverbs 31 - A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
I Corinthians 13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Matthew 7 - “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
Ephesians 5 - For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory...forever.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Curve Ball
"Strike One!" Hang on, who said anything about a curve ball? I thought we were playing straight forward old-fashioned softball, and here comes a curve ball? Heck, I didn't even know we were playing softball, I thought we were playing soccer. Wait, really I didn't even realize we were playing a game with balls involved!
Have you ever been thrown a curve ball? One that catches you so completely off guard that you realize not only is it a game changer, but it is a whole different sport being played? I'm sure you have. I have. And they can be good curve ball surprises or bad curve ball surprises. Death, birth, sickness, health, marriage, divorce, job, unemployment, wealth, poverty............one thing changes the game, tips the scales.
I've been thinking a lot about that lately, not only for myself but also because of others in my life. I've been reading this book called A Hole in Our Gospel and the author shares some words of wisdom from his wife when he's contemplating a major life change. He's fighting God's direction for a major career change after having spent a couple of decades to get to the top of the CEO heap of a major American company. And he's questioning his wife on why God would throw him so far off the course that took him so long to get down. And she said, maybe he's actually saving us from something. Maybe if you stayed on your course something bad could happen to one of our children or an accident or devastation could flatten us - couldn't this be God taking you to a safer happier better place???
To the author, the new direction looked scarier. Riskier. More dangerous. But it could have just been God's way of keeping him safe under His wings.
That curve ball may throw you or me for a loop. It may be a game changer. Heck, it may be a different sport now altogether. But if God's pitching, that curve ball may be the best thing that ever happened to you or me.
Psalm 139: O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
Proverbs 2 - He guards the paths of justice, And preserves the way of His saints.
Proverbs 3 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Have you ever been thrown a curve ball? One that catches you so completely off guard that you realize not only is it a game changer, but it is a whole different sport being played? I'm sure you have. I have. And they can be good curve ball surprises or bad curve ball surprises. Death, birth, sickness, health, marriage, divorce, job, unemployment, wealth, poverty............one thing changes the game, tips the scales.
I've been thinking a lot about that lately, not only for myself but also because of others in my life. I've been reading this book called A Hole in Our Gospel and the author shares some words of wisdom from his wife when he's contemplating a major life change. He's fighting God's direction for a major career change after having spent a couple of decades to get to the top of the CEO heap of a major American company. And he's questioning his wife on why God would throw him so far off the course that took him so long to get down. And she said, maybe he's actually saving us from something. Maybe if you stayed on your course something bad could happen to one of our children or an accident or devastation could flatten us - couldn't this be God taking you to a safer happier better place???
To the author, the new direction looked scarier. Riskier. More dangerous. But it could have just been God's way of keeping him safe under His wings.
That curve ball may throw you or me for a loop. It may be a game changer. Heck, it may be a different sport now altogether. But if God's pitching, that curve ball may be the best thing that ever happened to you or me.
Psalm 139: O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
Proverbs 2 - He guards the paths of justice, And preserves the way of His saints.
Proverbs 3 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Bed Bandit
I tell you, he's at it again. Every time you think he's done with his sneaky tricks, he discovers a new sneaky trick! I recently wrote about the eldest's escape tactics, and now he's adding a dose of nursery mayhem.
We turned the back of the cribs to the front so they would be too high for him to climb over since he'd mastered the climbing out of the crib technique. Then we pushed all the cribs together and then pushed his up against the wall ensuring his confinement. Problem solved, right? Surely he won't escape now? But we've only presented him with an interesting challenge. So we've created the Bed Bandit. The Moonlighting Man. The Slippery Sleepthief.
He crawls over the side of his crib into the little lady's bed. After sufficient disruption, he'll keep going onto the little man's crib. And then back the way he came. He started off harmlessly. A foray into her crib next to his where he cuddled up & nabbed a pacifier. But now it's a sport. How many cribs can he leap in a single bound? What's his fastest time from one end of the row of cribs and back? Last night, when I left him in the little lady's crib and moved her into his crib, moments later I found him wrestling his sleeping younger brother. Poor little baby, he was exhausted & suddenly the Bed Bandit lands on his back. I called Bray one night last week when I'd be home late and he said, "Well, he's already made the rounds. I went in and he'd gone from his crib, through hers, to the baby's, and when I came back 10 minutes later, he was back in his crib." We both cracked up, but then when I checked on him after arriving home, he was BACK in the baby's crib, and they were sleeping head-to-toe.
What mayhem is next? I shudder to think.
We turned the back of the cribs to the front so they would be too high for him to climb over since he'd mastered the climbing out of the crib technique. Then we pushed all the cribs together and then pushed his up against the wall ensuring his confinement. Problem solved, right? Surely he won't escape now? But we've only presented him with an interesting challenge. So we've created the Bed Bandit. The Moonlighting Man. The Slippery Sleepthief.
He crawls over the side of his crib into the little lady's bed. After sufficient disruption, he'll keep going onto the little man's crib. And then back the way he came. He started off harmlessly. A foray into her crib next to his where he cuddled up & nabbed a pacifier. But now it's a sport. How many cribs can he leap in a single bound? What's his fastest time from one end of the row of cribs and back? Last night, when I left him in the little lady's crib and moved her into his crib, moments later I found him wrestling his sleeping younger brother. Poor little baby, he was exhausted & suddenly the Bed Bandit lands on his back. I called Bray one night last week when I'd be home late and he said, "Well, he's already made the rounds. I went in and he'd gone from his crib, through hers, to the baby's, and when I came back 10 minutes later, he was back in his crib." We both cracked up, but then when I checked on him after arriving home, he was BACK in the baby's crib, and they were sleeping head-to-toe.
What mayhem is next? I shudder to think.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Topless
"Oh my gosh, I can not believe this - I am leaving!"
Our anniversary trip was almost without blemish. The one blot on the whole celebration was an incident Friday night. A woman and her boyfriend walked into a piano bar and were seated at the table next to us. She had a signficantly medically enhanced chest and a little black dress that barely covered her top or bottom. She was noticably inebriated and kept standing up to dance in front of the audience. Throughout this display I primarily felt sad for her. Saddened that this was her life and the only way she knew to get attention. My sadness quickly turned to ire when she allowed her boyfriend to pull the top of her dress down. Leaving what little was left to the imagination to vanish. I was equally angered by the fact that no one else seemed outraged. There was a nonchallance that this is what happens in New Orleans when people drink. I got up, notified the manager, and she was removed, but I couldn't get past my mix of anger and sadness for the remainder of the evening. I was mad that she had so little regard or respect for the other women in the room. And sad that she had so little regard or respect for herself.
This is a post I didn't plan to write. Mainly because this is my soap box issue, so I avoid it like the plague. I get so exercised about it that I often don't make any sense. I initially drafted this post on Saturday on my blackberry because I was so angry and sad and frustrated, but God wisely had me accidentally delete it when I was trying to send it instead. So that very impassioned draft is gone and in its place came a draft more deliberate and thoughtful. But then Blogger deleted that draft from my blog the day after I posted it. How can that even happen? Is someone trying to tell me something? I'm going to try one more time - if it disappears a third time, I'll stop trying to write it.
That isolated incident last weekend highlighted how desensitized our culture has become to the image of a woman's bare breasts. It is de rigeur. Playboy magazines and worse, pornography, topless bars, movies and television shows, emails, internet, you name it and there they are. And it seems as though since that incident occurred, I've been barraged by the widespread acceptance. Signs and screams in the streets of the city over our weekend away. In a hospital waiting room, as I waited for my mom to be released from surgery, a husband waiting for his wife was regaling his parents with the story of how his boys at prom had seen a topless woman at a party and he had encouraged it. Sharing the story of this weekend with a female co-worker this week and her being completely perplexed that I'd been bothered in the least by the incident. An email from mainstream TripAdvisor touting the world's best nude beaches.
I heard on the radio recently, "thought is Father to the deed." So it isn't bare breasts that offend me. It's what it represents and what results. It represents the oversexualization of women and our society - one in which my 19 month old daughter will be raised. It represents the dismissal of anything sacred about seeing a woman unclothed. It represents the degradation and objectification of an entire gender. And it results in sexual additions. Adulterous relationships. Increased violence against women. Sexual trafficking. Unrealistic perceptions. Lust. And everyone, men and women, are responsible for changing the course. Men must be willing to stand up and speak out against this disrespectful pandemic. And women must take responsibility for their actions and their attire. Unless we take affirmative steps to stem the tide, it's only going to get worse.
It's not just about being topless. It's about becoming soulless.
Job 31 - I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman? For what is the allotment of God from above? And the inheritance of the Almighty from on high? Is it not destruction for the wicked, And disaster for the workers of iniquity? Does He not see my ways, And count all my steps? If I have walked with falsehood, Or if my foot has hastened to deceit, Let me be weighed on honest scales, That God may know my integrity. If my step has turned from the way, Or my heart walked after my eyes, Or if any spot adheres to my hands, Then let me sow, and another eat;Yes, let my harvest be rooted out.
I Peter 5 - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
Matthew 5 - You have heard that it was said to those of old,‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Our anniversary trip was almost without blemish. The one blot on the whole celebration was an incident Friday night. A woman and her boyfriend walked into a piano bar and were seated at the table next to us. She had a signficantly medically enhanced chest and a little black dress that barely covered her top or bottom. She was noticably inebriated and kept standing up to dance in front of the audience. Throughout this display I primarily felt sad for her. Saddened that this was her life and the only way she knew to get attention. My sadness quickly turned to ire when she allowed her boyfriend to pull the top of her dress down. Leaving what little was left to the imagination to vanish. I was equally angered by the fact that no one else seemed outraged. There was a nonchallance that this is what happens in New Orleans when people drink. I got up, notified the manager, and she was removed, but I couldn't get past my mix of anger and sadness for the remainder of the evening. I was mad that she had so little regard or respect for the other women in the room. And sad that she had so little regard or respect for herself.
This is a post I didn't plan to write. Mainly because this is my soap box issue, so I avoid it like the plague. I get so exercised about it that I often don't make any sense. I initially drafted this post on Saturday on my blackberry because I was so angry and sad and frustrated, but God wisely had me accidentally delete it when I was trying to send it instead. So that very impassioned draft is gone and in its place came a draft more deliberate and thoughtful. But then Blogger deleted that draft from my blog the day after I posted it. How can that even happen? Is someone trying to tell me something? I'm going to try one more time - if it disappears a third time, I'll stop trying to write it.
That isolated incident last weekend highlighted how desensitized our culture has become to the image of a woman's bare breasts. It is de rigeur. Playboy magazines and worse, pornography, topless bars, movies and television shows, emails, internet, you name it and there they are. And it seems as though since that incident occurred, I've been barraged by the widespread acceptance. Signs and screams in the streets of the city over our weekend away. In a hospital waiting room, as I waited for my mom to be released from surgery, a husband waiting for his wife was regaling his parents with the story of how his boys at prom had seen a topless woman at a party and he had encouraged it. Sharing the story of this weekend with a female co-worker this week and her being completely perplexed that I'd been bothered in the least by the incident. An email from mainstream TripAdvisor touting the world's best nude beaches.
I heard on the radio recently, "thought is Father to the deed." So it isn't bare breasts that offend me. It's what it represents and what results. It represents the oversexualization of women and our society - one in which my 19 month old daughter will be raised. It represents the dismissal of anything sacred about seeing a woman unclothed. It represents the degradation and objectification of an entire gender. And it results in sexual additions. Adulterous relationships. Increased violence against women. Sexual trafficking. Unrealistic perceptions. Lust. And everyone, men and women, are responsible for changing the course. Men must be willing to stand up and speak out against this disrespectful pandemic. And women must take responsibility for their actions and their attire. Unless we take affirmative steps to stem the tide, it's only going to get worse.
It's not just about being topless. It's about becoming soulless.
Job 31 - I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman? For what is the allotment of God from above? And the inheritance of the Almighty from on high? Is it not destruction for the wicked, And disaster for the workers of iniquity? Does He not see my ways, And count all my steps? If I have walked with falsehood, Or if my foot has hastened to deceit, Let me be weighed on honest scales, That God may know my integrity. If my step has turned from the way, Or my heart walked after my eyes, Or if any spot adheres to my hands, Then let me sow, and another eat;Yes, let my harvest be rooted out.
I Peter 5 - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
Matthew 5 - You have heard that it was said to those of old,‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Five Years, and Still Cooking!
So I just returned from a fabulous weekend away in New Orleans with my husband to celebrate our FIVE YEAR wedding anniversary. It was our first weekend away since the triplets were born - 19 months! And of all the years, I feel like this was the best one to celebrate. It was tough. We had some seriously hard times - dealing with two jobs, three infants, different ideas on what our new family would take - and yet we came out on the other side stronger. I really do believe we are in a better place today and love each other more than we did when we said our vows.
So fun highlights from the trip, and the (partial) reason for the title - an F and 3 Ms:
1. The Food! Oh my heavens. We ate like kings. I said I went into the weekend weighing less than I did on my wedding day and came out of it weighing more. Friday we ate at Bayona and MiLa's - delicious! Saturday we worked in Cafe Dumond for breakfast, Domilise's for lunch (hole in the wall w/scrumptious po boys), and K Paul's for dinner (there's a reason Paul nationalized Louisiana cuisine). Then we polished off the weekend with a yummy jazz brunch at Arnaud's. Wow! Seriously - I ingested a million calories.
2. The Music. We started off the weekend at Jazz Fest and managed to catch Kermit Ruffins, Eric Lindell, Greg Allman, Willie Nelson and Better Than Ezra. Then everywhere we went there was music. From the piano bars to the street corners, there was always a fabulous soundtrack accompanying our weekend.
3. The Moments. The funniest and neatest things just randomly happened. We boarded a streetcar with two musicians visiting New Orleans, and it was their first streetcar ride. They asked the driver if they could play and then they just camped out by the door & played the best folk music all the way into town. Then we were at this fun bar The Carousel (where the bar actually turns) and ended up being turned to this guy visiting from Florida. He was there with his son and his son's friends for a bachelor party and told Bray, "hey, she's got great legs!" To which I bizarrely responded, "I have three kids!" So he returns, "you should have another!" I think Bray & I straightened him out. We were boarding the plane to go home & a woman traveling from Amsterdam asked us if we were on our honeymoon - five years later & we were mistaken for honeymooners! Funny things all weekend.
4. The Man. The best thing about the weekend was Bray. I had so much fun just hanging out with him for the weekend. He used to spend a lot of time in New Orleans and it was fun for us to be there for the first time together. He was the sexiest man there and a lot of other things that I can't mention on my blog :)
So needless to say, I can't wait for 10 years to come when we top ourselves again!
So fun highlights from the trip, and the (partial) reason for the title - an F and 3 Ms:
1. The Food! Oh my heavens. We ate like kings. I said I went into the weekend weighing less than I did on my wedding day and came out of it weighing more. Friday we ate at Bayona and MiLa's - delicious! Saturday we worked in Cafe Dumond for breakfast, Domilise's for lunch (hole in the wall w/scrumptious po boys), and K Paul's for dinner (there's a reason Paul nationalized Louisiana cuisine). Then we polished off the weekend with a yummy jazz brunch at Arnaud's. Wow! Seriously - I ingested a million calories.
2. The Music. We started off the weekend at Jazz Fest and managed to catch Kermit Ruffins, Eric Lindell, Greg Allman, Willie Nelson and Better Than Ezra. Then everywhere we went there was music. From the piano bars to the street corners, there was always a fabulous soundtrack accompanying our weekend.
3. The Moments. The funniest and neatest things just randomly happened. We boarded a streetcar with two musicians visiting New Orleans, and it was their first streetcar ride. They asked the driver if they could play and then they just camped out by the door & played the best folk music all the way into town. Then we were at this fun bar The Carousel (where the bar actually turns) and ended up being turned to this guy visiting from Florida. He was there with his son and his son's friends for a bachelor party and told Bray, "hey, she's got great legs!" To which I bizarrely responded, "I have three kids!" So he returns, "you should have another!" I think Bray & I straightened him out. We were boarding the plane to go home & a woman traveling from Amsterdam asked us if we were on our honeymoon - five years later & we were mistaken for honeymooners! Funny things all weekend.
4. The Man. The best thing about the weekend was Bray. I had so much fun just hanging out with him for the weekend. He used to spend a lot of time in New Orleans and it was fun for us to be there for the first time together. He was the sexiest man there and a lot of other things that I can't mention on my blog :)
So needless to say, I can't wait for 10 years to come when we top ourselves again!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Kisses
The baby has struggled sleeping on and off since shortly before he turned one. The eldest and the little lady sleep like troopers, but not the baby. We've gone through weeks of sleepless nights because of it and have only recently "solved" the problem because of some advice given to us by our pediatrician.
However, after weeks of good sleep, he started his cries of desperation again last night. They started before 10 and would quickly return if we put him back into his crib (yes, I realize we shouldn't pick him up - but the combined fear of him waking the other two matched with the sheer abandonment projected by his cries necessitated some loving). After Bray had taken a few turns, I went into the nursery. I rocked him and then laid him down in his crib. I slid my hands through the crib slats to pat his back and kissed his little crying face pushed up against the slats at me. Then the sweetest thing happened. He laid his head down to sleep, and a minute later looked up to make sure I was still there, leaned his face forward, and kissed me right on the lips and laid his head back down. This must have happened three or four times. Lay down, rest, breathing calms, then look up, see me still there, kiss me, and lay back down. He was saying, "thank you." "Thank you for coming and rescuing me. I don't know why I'm sad, but I am and it helps to have you with me."
When I finally did leave the room, the wails began anew, and we finally caved and brought him to our bed for an hour until he calmed down. But he so wanted comfort that he wanted to sleep either laying on top of my chest (picture laying on your back in bed with the cutest 30 pound toddler you've ever seen sprawled out on top of you with his nose in your neck) or on top of Bray's. He wanted to be as close as he could possibly be. And I'll tell you, he's a little toot sometimes, but in that moment I thought my heart might burst out of my chest. Look at this little face and tell me if you could resist it even for a minute.
However, after weeks of good sleep, he started his cries of desperation again last night. They started before 10 and would quickly return if we put him back into his crib (yes, I realize we shouldn't pick him up - but the combined fear of him waking the other two matched with the sheer abandonment projected by his cries necessitated some loving). After Bray had taken a few turns, I went into the nursery. I rocked him and then laid him down in his crib. I slid my hands through the crib slats to pat his back and kissed his little crying face pushed up against the slats at me. Then the sweetest thing happened. He laid his head down to sleep, and a minute later looked up to make sure I was still there, leaned his face forward, and kissed me right on the lips and laid his head back down. This must have happened three or four times. Lay down, rest, breathing calms, then look up, see me still there, kiss me, and lay back down. He was saying, "thank you." "Thank you for coming and rescuing me. I don't know why I'm sad, but I am and it helps to have you with me."
When I finally did leave the room, the wails began anew, and we finally caved and brought him to our bed for an hour until he calmed down. But he so wanted comfort that he wanted to sleep either laying on top of my chest (picture laying on your back in bed with the cutest 30 pound toddler you've ever seen sprawled out on top of you with his nose in your neck) or on top of Bray's. He wanted to be as close as he could possibly be. And I'll tell you, he's a little toot sometimes, but in that moment I thought my heart might burst out of my chest. Look at this little face and tell me if you could resist it even for a minute.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Mercies
I watched two couples dedicate their baby boys to the Lord during a baptism yesterday morning at my church. And as the pastor prayed over each of them, and consecrated their lives to God, tears slid down my face. I remembered a similar service last spring as Bray and I presented our three for baptism and the pastor prayed for their lives to be holy and pleasing to the Lord. It seems like we stood on that stage mere moments ago. But just as keenly I remembered sitting in the very same pew a few years earlier and feeling hot tears sting my cheeks as I watched with great pain this beautiful dedication. My whole body ached for a child of my own, and after years of struggling to have a baby to no avail I couldn't bear to watch more beaming parents hold their gurgling cherubic infants before the congregation.
If you, dear one, are struggling to have a child, I am so sorry. I have not forgotten how bitter the pain or how keenly you can feel the absence when you least expect it. But know you are not alone. And know that He, your good and faithful Saviour, sees your heart and knows your hurt. He alone can comfort you in the deepest place that you are harboring sorrow. He will bring you to the other side. He will dry your tears.
I leave you with this passage from Lamentations - the author begins writing about how incredibly desolate and abandoned he feels only to remember, in the end, God's faithfulness. Please, no matter how isolated you feel today, remember His mercies are abundant and will provide for you, even in this dark time:
Lamentations 3 - He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light. Surely against me is he turned; he turneth his hand against me all the day....He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old. He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: he hath made my chain heavy. Also when I cry and shout, he shutteth out my prayer. He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate. He hath filled me with bitterness, he hath made me drunken with wormwood. And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity. And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD....
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
If you, dear one, are struggling to have a child, I am so sorry. I have not forgotten how bitter the pain or how keenly you can feel the absence when you least expect it. But know you are not alone. And know that He, your good and faithful Saviour, sees your heart and knows your hurt. He alone can comfort you in the deepest place that you are harboring sorrow. He will bring you to the other side. He will dry your tears.
I leave you with this passage from Lamentations - the author begins writing about how incredibly desolate and abandoned he feels only to remember, in the end, God's faithfulness. Please, no matter how isolated you feel today, remember His mercies are abundant and will provide for you, even in this dark time:
Lamentations 3 - He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light. Surely against me is he turned; he turneth his hand against me all the day....He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old. He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: he hath made my chain heavy. Also when I cry and shout, he shutteth out my prayer. He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate. He hath filled me with bitterness, he hath made me drunken with wormwood. And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity. And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD....
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)