I am not the kind of person who spends her life regretting things. That's not to say I don't remember the past, but I do not spend hours a day guilting myself about things I did years ago. I used to be that person, but with God's grace I've largely moved past that burden. However, it seems recently I was confronted with the topic of regret everywhere I turned.
First, I watched a television program where a woman, I'll call her Ann, was so eaten up by regret from her past excessive drinking that, even though Ann had been sober for two years, she could not move on with her life or her family because of her great sadness over past mistakes. I felt sad watching as Ann talked because she had lost all sense of who she was (or could be) because of the shadow of regret that loomed over everything she did.
Then, this past week, I was faced with one of my own regrets. Not a "wish I had done that" regret, but a "wish I hadn't done that" regret. At the time, I absolutely believed that I wouldn't have any regrets, but years later, I chastise the younger version of myself for the decisions I made.
Finally, after this renewed consciousness about regret, my pastor preached a sermon entitled Moving On, still from the Philippians series I've mentioned before. I LOVE this book. That whole section of the New Testament I could camp in for years - Ephesians, Galatians, Colossians, Philippians - wow. And the worship was tailormade for his message. One of the songs, How He Loves, was new to me, and it had this great line, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about the way that He loves us, Oh how He loves us....."
And it's true. Why on Earth do you or I spend one millisecond dwelling on the past when the message of His grace and forgiveness is so clear in the Scripture? If He can forgive you, then forgive yourself. And we are encouraged and instructed to leave those regrets behind us. Don't let history repeat itself. But leave it behind you and don't let that shadow of regret stymie the amazing things He has in store for you.
The sermon was based on this Scripture - hang this on your mirror if you struggle with regret:
Philippians 3 - But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Open Letter to the Love of my Life
Dear B,
I would never write an open letter on a blog followed by thousands of people because I know that you would die of embarrassment or from the loss of privacy. But because this is still an unfollowed unpublicized space, I felt compelled to write these words here so you would hear them and know how I would love to shout them to the world at large.
Almost two weeks ago, I experienced what I can only describe as a week that was the best and highest picture of an incredible marriage driven by an amazing husband who I love so deeply that I can not even find the words to describe it. We've had a year of ups and downs but this week so exemplified why we make it.
The week started off with a bang. Crazy chemistry like we were dating again. Just thinking about it makes my toes curl. I LOVE that I still think you are the sexiest man alive and that I get goose bumps when you kiss me. We've been together seven years and just looking at you across the room makes me want to attack you (in the best way!). I love that after fertility treatments, a pregnancy that involved some serious weight gain, a c-section and frequent spit up (from little bits, not me), that there is still sensational chemistry between us. I can't imagine why I ever kissed anyone before you.
Then the week turned into a horror show with literally every member of our family throwing up. And while it certainly was not as sexy as the start of the week, it was illustrative of why I am madly in love with you. In the midst of it all, you were so fully present and kind and patient. Managing the kids while I was throwing up, cleaning up Big W's yuck from the bathroom floor because I couldn't do it, washing the p.j.s out while I laid limp in the bed. Wow. It was such a gift.
I had planned on writing to you that weekend and am sorry that I delayed. It is so important for you to know that I believe you are amazing. I know that in the conflict laiden times it may not seem that I believe that. But please know that even then I wouldn't trade you for any other husband in the world. You are so faithful. So present in our lives - from assembling desks, to buying me a new car, to managing our finances, to changing light bulbs and taking out the trash. You have such an exhausting schedule with the kids and your job and the farm yet you find time to do all of these things that make our family, and our life together, work. And you still make my toes curl and spine tingle (and even clean up throw up when called upon). Thank you. I love you.
G
I would never write an open letter on a blog followed by thousands of people because I know that you would die of embarrassment or from the loss of privacy. But because this is still an unfollowed unpublicized space, I felt compelled to write these words here so you would hear them and know how I would love to shout them to the world at large.
Almost two weeks ago, I experienced what I can only describe as a week that was the best and highest picture of an incredible marriage driven by an amazing husband who I love so deeply that I can not even find the words to describe it. We've had a year of ups and downs but this week so exemplified why we make it.
The week started off with a bang. Crazy chemistry like we were dating again. Just thinking about it makes my toes curl. I LOVE that I still think you are the sexiest man alive and that I get goose bumps when you kiss me. We've been together seven years and just looking at you across the room makes me want to attack you (in the best way!). I love that after fertility treatments, a pregnancy that involved some serious weight gain, a c-section and frequent spit up (from little bits, not me), that there is still sensational chemistry between us. I can't imagine why I ever kissed anyone before you.
Then the week turned into a horror show with literally every member of our family throwing up. And while it certainly was not as sexy as the start of the week, it was illustrative of why I am madly in love with you. In the midst of it all, you were so fully present and kind and patient. Managing the kids while I was throwing up, cleaning up Big W's yuck from the bathroom floor because I couldn't do it, washing the p.j.s out while I laid limp in the bed. Wow. It was such a gift.
I had planned on writing to you that weekend and am sorry that I delayed. It is so important for you to know that I believe you are amazing. I know that in the conflict laiden times it may not seem that I believe that. But please know that even then I wouldn't trade you for any other husband in the world. You are so faithful. So present in our lives - from assembling desks, to buying me a new car, to managing our finances, to changing light bulbs and taking out the trash. You have such an exhausting schedule with the kids and your job and the farm yet you find time to do all of these things that make our family, and our life together, work. And you still make my toes curl and spine tingle (and even clean up throw up when called upon). Thank you. I love you.
G
Singing
What I love about Wordless Wednesday is its ability to both: (a) make me prolific, somehow knowing I can't write on this day makes me particularly interested in writing, and (b) make me patient, I often act quickly without thinking and WWs make me wait to say what I have to say until Thursday.
Hence another day with three posts, having typed most of it up yesterday!!!
So this was one was inspired by a Beth Moore bible study I attended Tuesday night with worship led by Kari Jobe. Have you heard her music? She sings pictures, images, beauty. And Tuesday, the room was filled to overflowing with over 3,000 women singing with her. The songs can't help but resonate particularly deeply for those with young children. How pleased the Lord must have been to hear these words float up to Heaven in this intensely feminine way.
As you may know from previous posts, God often uses music to speak to me and over me. And this was just a shining example of His words washing over a tired and ready spirit.
Our nursery has all three cribs lines up against the wall and one very comfortable glider in the dark corner away from the hall light. And I can't count the nights I've held one or all of the children in that glider, rocking them, singing to them, and pressing them up against my heartbeat. Kissing their foreheads. Holding their hands. Wrapping them up. Ahhh. It is the sweetest and tenderest of moments, even when I'm the most exhausted. Last night, our little girl, held so tightly to my neck while I rocked her out of a bad dream, I thought I might not be able to catch my breath. But I loved every second of it.
Imagine that is you and the Father. Imagine when you are scared that you can be held in His lap and rocked and wrapped up and comforted with His voice, His singing over you.
Her music can't help but make you see that. Feel that. I share a few lyrics of hers from Singing Over Me and The More I Seek You (respectively) - get her cd and listen when you're tired and in need of comfort:
Your songs have never stopped
You've been singing, always singing over me
Your words are still enough
And You're singing
Give me faith, Give me strength enough to wait
To stand in faith, And listen for, listen for Your melody
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, hear your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
Hence another day with three posts, having typed most of it up yesterday!!!
So this was one was inspired by a Beth Moore bible study I attended Tuesday night with worship led by Kari Jobe. Have you heard her music? She sings pictures, images, beauty. And Tuesday, the room was filled to overflowing with over 3,000 women singing with her. The songs can't help but resonate particularly deeply for those with young children. How pleased the Lord must have been to hear these words float up to Heaven in this intensely feminine way.
As you may know from previous posts, God often uses music to speak to me and over me. And this was just a shining example of His words washing over a tired and ready spirit.
Our nursery has all three cribs lines up against the wall and one very comfortable glider in the dark corner away from the hall light. And I can't count the nights I've held one or all of the children in that glider, rocking them, singing to them, and pressing them up against my heartbeat. Kissing their foreheads. Holding their hands. Wrapping them up. Ahhh. It is the sweetest and tenderest of moments, even when I'm the most exhausted. Last night, our little girl, held so tightly to my neck while I rocked her out of a bad dream, I thought I might not be able to catch my breath. But I loved every second of it.
Imagine that is you and the Father. Imagine when you are scared that you can be held in His lap and rocked and wrapped up and comforted with His voice, His singing over you.
Her music can't help but make you see that. Feel that. I share a few lyrics of hers from Singing Over Me and The More I Seek You (respectively) - get her cd and listen when you're tired and in need of comfort:
Your songs have never stopped
You've been singing, always singing over me
Your words are still enough
And You're singing
Give me faith, Give me strength enough to wait
To stand in faith, And listen for, listen for Your melody
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, hear your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
Lamentations
Lysa Terkeurst has recently written a book called Made to Crave. It's about how we were designed to crave God (yet often crave something else). A scripture she use to encourages those struggling with cravings elsewhere resonated:
Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wordless Wednesdays (well, not quite)
It wasn't my photo to post today - Piper Kate, a 23 month old triplet, passed away from Leigh's disease. Here is her photo which is my photo post for the day: http://allyouneedisyounglove.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Calling and The Conflict
Last night, I couldn't fall asleep. I received a clear word about some next steps I need to take, or at least begin the preparations to take. And then today I heard about an opportunity that would take me, geographically, away from the calling yet I feel equally compelled to investigate it.
What do you do when you say, "Speak, for your servant is listening," hear one set of instructions, and then shortly thereafter here something different? How do you know which path to follow? How do you decide when you are at a fork in the road and in conflict over the direction to choose?
This has happened to me once before. I won't go into the details because it's a particularly long story, but sufficed to say, there was a great conflict. My heart, my best friend, and my then boyfriend all were saying "stay!" But something supernatural was clearly saying "go!" I was a believer as were those in my life giving me the word to stay. Clear words. And words I wanted to hear. Yet I moved. I went. And looking back on that time in my life, in what I believe was the most significant decision I had yet to make in my adult life, I still can't believe I went. It was an absolute miracle. One that every force fought against.
And now, another fork. One not nearly as dramatic. Nor as spectacularly geographic. When Samuel said to the Lord, "Speak, for your servant is listening," what the Lord said next makes my head spin and I can only imagine Samuel's reaction. The Lord doesn't always give us a word that we want to hear or that we want to share. But wouldn't we rather HEAR the word than ignore it?
"See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears about it tingle...." (I Samuel 3)
And once Samuel started listening, the Lord kept speaking, and isn't that the absolute apex, the ultimate goal? To hear and to know. "The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of Samuel’s words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD. The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word." (I Samuel 3 - emphasis added)
What do you do when you say, "Speak, for your servant is listening," hear one set of instructions, and then shortly thereafter here something different? How do you know which path to follow? How do you decide when you are at a fork in the road and in conflict over the direction to choose?
This has happened to me once before. I won't go into the details because it's a particularly long story, but sufficed to say, there was a great conflict. My heart, my best friend, and my then boyfriend all were saying "stay!" But something supernatural was clearly saying "go!" I was a believer as were those in my life giving me the word to stay. Clear words. And words I wanted to hear. Yet I moved. I went. And looking back on that time in my life, in what I believe was the most significant decision I had yet to make in my adult life, I still can't believe I went. It was an absolute miracle. One that every force fought against.
And now, another fork. One not nearly as dramatic. Nor as spectacularly geographic. When Samuel said to the Lord, "Speak, for your servant is listening," what the Lord said next makes my head spin and I can only imagine Samuel's reaction. The Lord doesn't always give us a word that we want to hear or that we want to share. But wouldn't we rather HEAR the word than ignore it?
"See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears about it tingle...." (I Samuel 3)
And once Samuel started listening, the Lord kept speaking, and isn't that the absolute apex, the ultimate goal? To hear and to know. "The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of Samuel’s words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD. The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word." (I Samuel 3 - emphasis added)
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