Kisses

The baby has struggled sleeping on and off since shortly before he turned one.  The eldest and the little lady sleep like troopers, but not the baby.  We've gone through weeks of sleepless nights because of it and have only recently "solved" the problem because of some advice given to us by our pediatrician. 

However, after weeks of good sleep, he started his cries of desperation again last night.  They started before 10 and would quickly return if we put him back into his crib (yes, I realize we shouldn't pick him up - but the combined fear of him waking the other two matched with the sheer abandonment projected by his cries necessitated some loving).  After Bray had taken a few turns, I went into the nursery.  I rocked him and then laid him down in his crib.  I slid my hands through the crib slats to pat his back and kissed his little crying face pushed up against the slats at me.  Then the sweetest thing happened.  He laid his head down to sleep, and a minute later looked up to make sure I was still there, leaned his face forward, and kissed me right on the lips and laid his head back down.  This must have happened three or four times.  Lay down, rest, breathing calms, then look up, see me still there, kiss me, and lay back down.  He was saying, "thank you."  "Thank you for coming and rescuing me.  I don't know why I'm sad, but I am and it helps to have you with me." 

When I finally did leave the room, the wails began anew, and we finally caved and brought him to our bed for an hour until he calmed down.  But he so wanted comfort that he wanted to sleep either laying on top of my chest (picture laying on your back in bed with the cutest 30 pound toddler you've ever seen sprawled out on top of you with his nose in your neck) or on top of Bray's.  He wanted to be as close as he could possibly be.  And I'll tell you, he's a little toot sometimes, but in that moment I thought my heart might burst out of my chest.  Look at this little face and tell me if you could resist it even for a minute.