Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I have a dozen ideas for posts running in my head in a constant loop.  I have a half dozen or so in some form or another as drafts on this site.  So it makes no sense to post this brand new thought as an entry except that it just struck me and I really want my husband to read it. 

Thank you Bray for your respect.  Thank you for listening to what I have to say and not rolling your eyes like I don't know what I'm talking about.  Thank you for not dismissing me. 

If you read marriage books, which I do from time to time, they often highlight that a woman needs to be loved and a man needs to be respected.  There's a constant emphasis on a husband's need for respect.  I don't disagree.  But there's really not much discussion about a wife's need for respect.

I've encountered several examples of a disrespectful husband (as well as a disrespected one) but very recently was confronted with a glaring example.  A couple, married many years, was bantering in their usual way.  The back and forth, yin and yang, to which they gave no thought.  However, I couldn't help but notice how the wife was dismissed.  Her ideas discounted.  Her words spoken over.  Her input marginalized.  Now this was not the husband's attitude toward women.  In fact, my words were given merit and weight.  It was just his attitude toward his wife.  And in that moment, it made me immensely grateful for my marriage. 

I've written from time to time about my marriage though not nearly like I write about my children or my faith because my husband is a private person.  I've written that we've had struggles but that I also am madly in love with my husband.  Today gave me yet another reason to add to that list.  Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I can come up with some pretty wacky ideas.  And I have no shortage of opinions.  Timidity and passivity are not accusations lobbed against me.  My husband experiences all of this and more first hand on a nightly basis.  And yet I never doubt that he values my opinion, even if he disagrees with it.  I never believe that he thinks I am ignorant or incoherent.  I believe he thinks that I add value to a discussion - whether it be about family finances, faith or simply our schedule for the month.  I feel as if I am part of a partnership. 

And I trust him too.  I value his opinion.  I believe that he is wise.  And prudent.  And thoughtful.  And good.  I respect him.  And he respects me.  I value that immeasurably.  So I just wanted to take this little Internet space to vocalize my gratitude.  Thank you B - I love you. 

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