Solo

I had little bit this weekend while Bray took the boys to the farm.  We had a wonderful time.  It is amazing what you can accomplish when you have only one child in tow.  We went for our first pedicure together, we ran errands, we went to church, we voted, we visited the Aquarium and rode all the rides, we had cupcakes at the nearby bakery before shopping for shoes and groceries.  All in all, it was a blast.

But it was also a little lonely.  My mom was out of town visiting my brother.  Bray was gone with the boys.  My best friend went out of town to see her mother.  I visited a new church.  I did not see any family members or friends over the weekend except for little bit. 

I also noticed something.  There were several daddy-daughter combos at the Aquarium on Sunday.  The men did not wear wedding rings, and I assumed, possibly incorrectly in some cases, that this was "their" weekend with their daughter according to the final divorce decree. 

My heart ached.  Physically ached.  I thought how bittersweet the time must be knowing that they would be separated at the end of the day. 

I know divorce.  My parents divorced when I was 12, just as my seventh grade year wrapped up.  We moved to Texas, my father moved around, and I didn't see him for years.  I know that sometimes divorces are beyond the control of one of the spouses.  So if you are divorced and have been through that, I am so sorry, I really do understand, and this post is not for you. 

But sometimes divorces are not beyond our control.  Sometimes there is no massive abuse or abandonment.  Sometimes, the divorce is entirely within the couple's control. 

Marriage is hard.  My marriage is hard.  We have times of being madly in love and crazy about the other person, and then we have times of just being mad and crazy.  I saw part of Oprah's Life Class last night with Joel and Victoria Osteen and Oprah asked them if they had experienced hard times in their marriage.  They said no.  They said they had experienced "growth" times when his father passed away and when they had babies, but no struggles.  I do not know them and that may be entirely true, but I have had hard times.  There has never been abuse or infidelity or abandonment or anything even close to that, but we have struggled.  We have fought.  Then we got through it. 

I love my husband.  Can I encourage you today if you are struggling in your marriage to make a renewed investment in it?  Would you for a moment envision one weekend after another without your kids or your husband sitting alone with children over Sunday lunch only to have to return them to you at dinner time?  Would you please picture Christmases and birthdays?  Then redouble your efforts to make it work. 

You only have control over you, but you can make a difference in relationship of two.  Pray for your husband today.  Tell him you love him.  Tell him how important your marriage is to you.  Go see someone that has counseled Christian marriages together if you need some perspective. 

But make it work.  For you.  For him.  For your kids.  Solo is okay for a day, but not for a lifetime.