Our Story: Part 1, The Courtship

We officially met the week after Thanksgiving 2003 at a concert at a small hole-in-the-wall though apparently he'd seen me a few weeks before as I was getting ready to leave for Italy.  He was with his brother and I was with my bible study girlfriends.  His brother had dated one of my friends.  Our first conversation was about attorneys and drilling in Alaska's ANWR.  I guess I shouldn't call it a conversation, it was a debate.  We had some seriously different perspectives.  We started dating the next week.  Neither one of us was looking - we'd both broken off relationships the previous spring.  And yet, there we were.  Dating - a lot.  I was absolutely taken.  I can't speak for him though we're married now so I guess he was eventually  

I was in love with him before three months was up.  He took a little longer.  We were SO different.  I loved the city and museums and fine dining and he loved the ranch and cattle and hunting.  But he was amazing.  Handsome, funny, smart, great kisser, interesting, curious, thoughtful, HONEST.  I'd not had a lot of experience with honesty in men I'd known.  I trusted him completely. 

We had so much fun.  We fought some, but mainly over "big" issues to figure out whether this was IT or not.  We traveled.  I went to the farm and ranch with him.  He went to galas and fancy dinners with me.  And we did our own thing too.  We loved our jobs and our families and our friends so we had really full lives.  He proposed on Halloween 2005.  We were both still in full costume after returning to my place from a Halloween party when he got down on one knee.  The gorgeous center stone in the ring was his mother's diamond from her original engagement ring (my father-in-law upsized it later).  He proposed on Saturday and I had a wedding date picked Monday.  Six months out.  Whirlwind planning.  Really happy times.

We had a beautiful morning wedding followed by a jazz brunch on May 6, 2006.  Everyone said they'd never seen a bride so happy - that I kept looking at everyone in the pews as I walked down the aisle & smiling & waving.  I was happy.  I was elated.  I was madly in love and couldn't believe God's grace at bringing this man into my life. 

Broken Record

Do you ever get a tune stuck in your head?  It seems everywhere you turn that dang song is blaring at you and you can't escape it and then you're imprisoned by the lovely bars of "Here's the story, of a man named Brady, who was busy with three boys of his own...." for the next however many hours or days it takes to replace it with something better.  (And yes, I'm sorry, I know it's stuck in your head now.)

Well I think I'm in the middle of the heavenly equivalent of the Brady Bunch song looping through my head.  It's happened before.  God will be driving home a point and no matter where I go there is a sermon or a study or a radio song or a friend's phone call that just reinforces the point and I can NOT escape it.  Granted, when God does it, it's for a greater purpose.  And I realize that.  But it doesn't mean I necessarily WANT to hear the message I'm being surrounded by.  In fact, more often than not, I'd rather not hear the words that are blaring at me. 

The message du jour (or du semaine as the case may be) is waiting.  Patience.  Waiting and Patience.  Patience and Waiting.  Really?  I'm so not in the mood.  And who is in this day and age?  Instant messaging, emailing, texting, digital information, downloads, Internet 24-7 -- we don't HAVE to wait.  We're no longer taught to wait.  And all that talk in the Bible about the virtues of waiting has begun to fall on deaf ears.  I'm the first to admit it.  I've lost the aptitude for patience.  My spirituality has suffered as a result.  So God's reminding me.  In no uncertain terms.  And I'm not in the mood to listen to this particular refrain.  But it doesn't matter because I can not escape it.

To begin with, I heard an incredibly powerful message from Beth Moore during her study of James entitled Between the Rains.  The very first point in the lesson was simple: "Be Patient."  It comes straight from James' instruction in Chapter 5.  She went on to explain how there is a season, which James was describing for his readers of the time, between the fall and spring rain.  It's the dry season.  It's when the crop grows.  And if the rain were to continue nonstop from fall to spring the crop would drown because what can grow in two feet of water.  That's our season of waiting.  That's the season when we are called by God to be patient.  The rain will come again but for now it's for us to wait.  That's what led me to my earlier post, a scripture from that evening, the lesson that God will act (as Beth says, "only if the sun rises") but for this time we are being called to actively await Him.

No sooner did I process that message than an email popped in my in-box a day later.  Our pastor sends out weekly emails & the FIRST sentence (much like Beth's FIRST bullet point) was this quote, "Quit trying to have a baby with Hagar and just wait on Isaac."  Wow.  I felt like God was telling me I was trying to have a baby with Hagar.  (For those of you not familiar with the reference, this is when Abraham doubted God would provide him a son, Isaac, and instead slept with his wife's servant to "help" God give him an offspring - Genesis 16.)  When we stop waiting and start trying to actively move God along, what havoc we wreak. 

He realizes our human nature naturally lends itself to impatience.  Why else would there be over 40 references imploring us to patience/be patient.  He knows it requires us to rely upon Him to have patience (Col. 1 - being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience).   Knowing all that, He calls us to wait.  To stop trying to speed up His plan to fit into a 2011 timeline and just wait.  Be patient.  He WILL act - only if the sun rises.

So now John Waller's tune is stuck on auto-replay in my head, right along with James 5, and I'll try to wait:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait I  will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

Our Story: An Introduction

I enjoy television.  I don't see much of it these days but I have three guilty pleasures.  I DVR those three shows and watch them as time permits.  One recently featured the leading couple struggling with infertility.  As the lead character (let's call her Meredith) and her best friend (let's call her Cristina) visit, Cristina shares that she's been asked by a friend to be her baby's godmother.  Meredith encourages Cristina throughout the day to decline to serve as the godmother.  As the episode nears, Meredith stands in front of the newborn nursery and finally shares with her friend why she's asking her to say no, "It just seems like if you agree to be the baby's godmother, you're saying that I'll never have a baby of my own."

Those words flattened me.  Even though they are said by fictional characters, those words reflect a heartbreaking reality occurring in many lives tonight.  And that sentiment, that aching and sadness, that feeling that you may never have children, was incredibly real in my life for years.  Reading into everything that everyone says or does, feeling like any given action is a judgment on your own personal fertility struggles, happens.   

And so it led me to think that maybe it's time to share our story.  I've hesitated for some time.  Partly because it's still fresh.  And partly because I have friends whose infertility struggle ended differently than mine and they made the decision to either remain childless or to adopt.  My story of miracles doesn't at all diminish the miracles that God worked in their lives.  They also are people of great faith and God had a different plan in mind. 

So over the next few weeks, in addition to my ongoing random posting, I'll share our story.  I pray that it gives someone going through the same struggle hope.  I pray it will serve solely as a testament to God's faithfulness and miraculous power.

God is Good

I am constantly amazed by people and their faith. 

It makes me stop and ask myself, "You think you have it hard?!?!"

I had a conversation with a triplet mom friend this past week.  I had failed to contact her lately and had no idea what had rocked her world.  Her husband was gone.  Left.  Absent.  No visits, no money, no nothing.  And the circumstances were heartbreaking.  During our conversation she said, "other than _____ being gone, things are good.  God has been good."  I had no words.  Of course our God is good.  I'm the first to say it.  But in the middle of THIS to be so calm and so confident in the faithfulness of our Lord.  Seven month old triplets, a looming house foreclosure, no job, and a terribly gone husband and her words were of God's provision for her during this time.  And I complain if Bray leaves for the weekend to go to the ranch?!?!  I have a faithful devoted husband who loves his family and is an incredible provider - why on Earth am I whining?  Last time I checked, self indulgence is not a fruit of the Spirit. 

I worry about my child's cough while my friend battles her child's cancer.  I doubt how to handle a job situation when a family member has lost a job.  I bemoan a long distance commute to see family when a dear person in my life has lost both parents. 

Five times in Matthew, Jesus calls people out for little faith:

Chp 6: If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

Chp 8: The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”  He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Chp 14:  But when he [Peter] saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Chp 16: Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?"

Chp 17:  Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

God is Good.  Regardless of the season.  He is good.  I recently heard a bible study lesson from James 5 - how the farmer waits for the autumn and spring rains.  In between those rains it's dry.  You don't see the rains from the heavens.  But God is still there, underground, working His miracles on those crops.  Whether you "feel" it today or not, God is there.  Working.  Being Good. 

This is not to discount your struggle.  Whatever it is, I know that it is real and it is hard.  But He is good.  He is faithful.  Remember it in the rain and in the drought. 

Psalm 27: I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

2 Chronicles 6: Now, my God, may your eyes be open and your ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. “Now arise, LORD God, and come to your resting place, you and the ark of your might. May your priests, LORD God, be clothed with salvation, may your faithful people rejoice in your goodness.
 
Psalm 116: Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.

2 Peter 1: Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.  His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature...

Hosea 6

Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him.

As surely as the sun rises, He will appear;

He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.

Wordless Wednesdays (via Libya)

One Tough Sister

We went to the family farm this weekend.  We tried to spend as much of it outside as we could even though the weather was windier and grayer than we had hoped.  All of my kids are adorable but I learned that the lone sister is TOUGH as nails.  Among the accidents to befall her over the weekend: she stuck her hand in an ant bed and got 15 bites on her hand, she fell and hit her head on the patio, bad mommy accidentally got her skin pinched in the high chair seat belt, and she tried to eat the rocks off the driveway.  While her baby brother (yes by 30 seconds but he's totally the baby) cried about lord only knows what, mainly wanting to be held, she almost never cried and she was up and running the second after anything happened.  She's like a teeny little indestructible road runner. 

She's the fastest one of the bunch too.  I can't even always catch her! The thing she loves most is FREEDOM.  At home she's caged up behind a child proof gate in the mecca dream play room, but all she wants is O-U-T!  She cries and tries to break down the gate (literally).  She runs underneath your legs to the outside anytime you open the door to go in or out (and heaven help you when you catch her and put her back inside).  She is fearless.  She is acrobatic.  She is brave.  I have to tell you, I am so excited to have such a dynamic trailblazer for a little girl.  Some may say you can't tell what she'll be from her 17 month old personality, but I'm telling you, she's going to be fierce.  In the best way. 

I love my boys.  They are gorgeous and so incredibly loving, more affectionate than their female counterpart, but she is independent and strong.  And what a neat thing to see in one so young.  My prayer is that I don't pass on some of my fears and worries to her but instead allow her to spread her wings and fly where ever that strong spirit impels her.