I am typing this while seated at my desk, behind my closed office door, in tears. Literally exhausted to the point of tears. But let me rewind. 11 nights to be exact. When this bout started - March 10th.
Bray was out of town. The kids were up all night. Teething or just joy over something new they learned, they were up, on and off all night. I was up Friday morning at 4 am. I didn't get to bed that same Friday until midnight because of kid sleep issues. I was up 20 hours. That is not a good place for me to be.
In the past 11 nights, I have slept through the night once. Yes, that's right: ONCE. A week ago I was up from 12:30 am to 4 am straight with the boys. They just wanted to play.
They have always been good sleepers. This has not been an issue for us. I am more exhausted today than I have been in their near 18 moths of living. I am so tired I can not nap. I realize this makes no sense. But I tried. Yesterday. While they napped. Nothing. I just laid there and thought of the dozens of things that were not getting done because I was laying there - for an hour.
This weekend they all had high fevers. So in addition to the times they were not sleeping, I was setting middle of the night alarms to get up and give them Tylenol or cold wash cloths or pedialite Saturday and Sunday night. And during the day they just cried. I felt terrible for them, but I have to tell you, I felt pretty terrible for me too.
I went to boot camp on Saturday morning and we did the work out in teams. I partnered with one of my new favorite people, a mom of one son who is just a smidge older than my kids. He's not been sleeping well lately either. We had to give ourselves a team name. We called ourselves Team Sleep Deprived. We finished last. Only by 6 seconds though. And we finished. After a week of no sleep.
And today my girlfriend at work got engaged. And we were going to have a celebratory lunch. And she forgot. No wonder, she's getting married in two weeks. But I was so looking forward to going out and celebrating something that did not involve kids and might even include a champagne toast. But instead, at 12:30, I walked down to the salad bar and got a salad. Which I'm eating in tears at my desk.
People say, "how do you do it?" I don't. I cry at my desk over a salad because I am so exhausted that I can't process rational thought. How long can this phase last? I have to hope not long because I honestly can't keep moving through life with any normalcy if I don't get some sleep.
Okay, divide it by 3, and I HAVE BEEN THERE!!! Honestly, if someone could just tell me that I would get sleep in the preschool years I could possibly be enticed. It was the hardest thing. And mine were good sleepers, as well, and yet when they went some developmental jump it was just like that (harder than newborn months).
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are hurting like this (sleep deprivation HURTS), plus wishing for just a little bit of no-mommy time. I'll be praying that for you. Embrace the cries. I really feel like I slow my healing process when I don't let myself cry.
My pastor growing up said something one time that has stuck with me through my sleepless times as a mom. "When you sleep and know you don't have many hours ahead, ask God to maximize the sleep you will get to make you feel as rested as possible." That has been a simple prayer that has been answered more than once! And I would say even when you lay in bed awake & exhausted (I HATE that feeling!), pray it as well!
In case no one answers your question. This season will NOT last forever, but it will feel like it. The dawn is coming (and you'll feel rested)!
And girl, way to kick some boot camp butt!
Honey, Honey, Honey. It's ok to cry. And it is ok to kick butt in boot camp at the same time. Maybe crying while crossing the finish?
ReplyDeleteThe not sleeping has been going around. I've heard from a number of Mommies (and I'm included) that kiddos are just out of whack. Time change, biggest moon in 20 years or the invisible, untrackable and insidious no-sleep virus - I don't know. But you are certainly not alone. I had to break down and give Sophia sour patch kids every morning to get her to sleep through the night. And that was just last week!
Alicia is right, as always. This will not last forever. In fact, if my Mom is correct, you will be so annoyed in about 10-15 years that they are sleeping all day - you will be waking them up!!
I have to say, from my own experience (also what I've heard from others) when they are newborns and you are used to running on adrenaline, your body adapts. But it quickly adapts back to sleeping. And that interruption is hard than the first.
I can't help much, but I'd love to! And I'll pray for you!!! Love you!