It's not so much that these installments are really all TERRIBLE, it's just that they are boundary testing. This, I realize from a developmental perspective, is a positive direction for the trio. However, from a parenting perspective it is, let's just say, challenging. But also, quite often, hysterially funny.
Little bit has to lead off the developmental milestone discussion this month because she is clearly developing at a rapid pace. Always independent, she is now also quite opinionated. (I have no earthly idea where she gets that.) This was most recently expressed in the form of her music preferences. She loves music. But prior to this past week, she's largely accepted whatever music we play for her. Not anymore. While tooling around town on our girls weekend, she loudly and clearly voiced her displeasure about anything playing on the radio that did not satisfy her musical sensibilities. I try to keep the radio on KSBJ so I can be confident that the kids won't pick up any bad words or messaging. But if a song came on that she didn't like, she would say, "NO!" She would continue saying "no" as I scanned through stations until a song burst through playing a tune she favored. Then she would say, "yes" and begin car dancing. If I wasn't always driving when this happened I would video the entire scenario so you could experience it firsthand. Maybe one day when Bray's driving I will be able to adequately capture my music critic. As a result of this development, mommy was treated to an ecletic array of music including: country (which I hate), Mexican polka (which I'm beginning to appreciate), and Madonna (which takes me back to high school). No, I can not explain this trifecta of music, I'm open to your thoughts. Furthermore, she is now attempting feats of greater daring than ever. Her current favorite is to stand on the arm of the couch and do a variation on Randy Savage's elbow strike with her knee (yes, I googled famous wrestling moves because she looks like a WWF wrestler) into some area on my body most prone to bruising.
While the dame is practicing her independence, the eldest is exerting his defiance. Opinionated in his own way, his focus is on getting what he wants when he wants it and then immediately not wanting it anymore. Talk about a rollercoaster. I've always said he's Mister Affectionate, and he truly is, but the wild swings between lovable toddler and angry madman has me spinning. He was a very mildmannered baby but I knew he had a temper at an early age because, rarely, if he didn't get what he wanted (i.e., held) he could scream in such a tremendous sustained fashion that it would set off the monitor he wore when he was released from the NICU. I would be sitting there staring at the babies lined up in their bouncy seats while hooked up to a double electronic breastpump, trying to make milk for the masses and sooth three month olds, and he could get so furious that suddenly the monitor would start alarming. Talk about freaking out a new mom - goodness. Well, whatever THAT was is back. With a vengenance. And while I adore my sweet darling loving oldest son, I'm ready for this period to be OVER. On the affectionate side, he wants to hold everything now, so he lifts and cups his hands together in front of his face and scrunches up his eyes seeking for me to allow him to hold whatever he's currently in love with - lately it's been birds and the moon - tough to teach a 2 year old why you can't hold the moon. From a learning perspective, he's really piling on the words faster than ever. We can say a word and he can repeat anything back (yikes). Oh, and at his 2 year old well visit, he was 33 pounds and 3 feet tall! He's going to be big (95% for height and 90% for weight), and handsome - with a huge smile and gorgeous hair.
Which brings us to the darling little man. He is so funny. He laughs so much. He has been getting so tickled that his face will split in two with whatever the latest funny thing is. And he most vocally reacts to us doing silly things - he thinks it is fabulous. He's also added a new dance move (they all three dance, but he's not previously been the most enthusiastic) - he has a little jump step with a back and forth motion which is a fun new addition since the little lady's side to side monster mash is what everyone was previously copying. He'd been the slowest to pick up language, but is now catching up quickly. He gets angry too though, and VERY frustrated if he doesn't get his way. It is tough to know what will set him off though so trying to anticipate a melt down is impossible. Today it was that I did not allow him to unpack the mega roll of toliet paper after our Sam's run into the garage where he felt, for some reason, it should go. This led to an all out tug of war in our driveway trying to explain why the toliet paper needed to be taken into the house and him vehemently disagreeing with my recommendation. While he is exerting is his independence, he strikes me at this point as the least opinionated of the three and one that can actually be talked down from a tree. This comforts me because the other two are in such a brazen phase that I don't think I could handle a third. He says knee, and pats my knee, and brings me a book so that he can sit on my knee and read together. That melts my heart every time.
So see, it's not all terrible. It is challenging. And exhausting. But fascinating. I feel like I have a science experiment going in my house watching different genders and different personalities all develop their own style and language and path.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Authenticity
Do you ever hesitate to share your faith or act upon God's calling because you worry others might not believe you are authentic? I've recently wrestled with that question. A doubt wedged deep in my mind between God's calling and my action in response. While no one is perfect, I have certainly gone through some periods in my life that were anything but glorifying to God. And if God ever called me to share my story beyond my backyard, what would those people who watched that behaviour think? They would never believe my faith was authentic. I might actually be more of a HINDRANCE to God than an asset or a reflection of Him. Since the Bible tells us that God no longer remembers our sin once we have asked for forgiveness (Jeremiah 31, Hebrews 8), He clearly didn't contemplate these issues - He's forgotten! So I've been doing the work of reminding Him and explaining why I would be a terrible messenger.
Unfortunately, He set to work reminding ME of how the Bible is full of reluctant messengers. Most searingly, God directed me to Saul. This guy was running around killing all the early-day Christians. Acts discusses this in detail, including his approval of the killing of God's servant Stephen. But then, en route to imprison and kill more of Christ's disciples, Jesus appeared to him and he had a pretty radical conversion. Acts 9 says that AT ONCE he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus was the Son of God. The Bible doesn't say anything about his struggle, but you have to imagine he had some periods where he was thinking, these guys are NEVER going to buy this message. I was, in their words, wreaking havoc against the church and now here I am sharing the gospel? Surely Lord, you could use a more conventional messenger - there has to be someone more believable than me.
One of the commentaries on Saul's conversion to Paul says, "The most important event in human history apart from the life, death and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth is the conversion to Christianity of Saul of Tarsus. If Saul had remained a Jewish rabbi, we would be missing thirteen of twenty-seven books of the New Testament and Christianity's early major expansion to the Gentiles." (IVP New Testament Commentaries)
There are many more stories of reluctant messengers. One of the first was Moses. Here's a guy who had been saved by God to do great things - all the Hebrew baby boys of his time were being killed yet he was saved. Moses ends up committing murder and fleeing the country, and then God appears to him in a burning bush. Instead of Moses rushing to do as he was told after great signs and wonders, he says, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And despite God's assurances, he keeps asking and saying, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me...." So God gives him all of these amazing signs he can use to demonstrate God's power. But it's still not enough. The rest of the exchange goes something like this:
Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”
Then the LORD’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”
Whatever it is that I am being called to, and whatever it is that you are being called to, stop doubting that people won't believe you are authentic because of something in your past. God calls reluctant messengers, often reluctant because of their tainted past or their human failings. The reason God calls those kinds of people specifically is because it is through those very real human flaws that He is so perfectly revealed. No one would believe it could be anything BUT God. Broken flawed vessels are God's favorites. Who expects the perfect sip of wine from a tin can? Who expects the most spectacular rose to grow in a junk yard? Who expects a world class operatic in a homeless shanty? No one. But God doesn't operate from a place of expectations. He only deals in the unexpected. Your message will be authentic not because you are the vessel, but because God's inside you. The wine, the rose, the voice.
Isaiah 64 - For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him...Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Romans 8 - I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Ephesians 3 - I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory...forever.
Unfortunately, He set to work reminding ME of how the Bible is full of reluctant messengers. Most searingly, God directed me to Saul. This guy was running around killing all the early-day Christians. Acts discusses this in detail, including his approval of the killing of God's servant Stephen. But then, en route to imprison and kill more of Christ's disciples, Jesus appeared to him and he had a pretty radical conversion. Acts 9 says that AT ONCE he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus was the Son of God. The Bible doesn't say anything about his struggle, but you have to imagine he had some periods where he was thinking, these guys are NEVER going to buy this message. I was, in their words, wreaking havoc against the church and now here I am sharing the gospel? Surely Lord, you could use a more conventional messenger - there has to be someone more believable than me.
One of the commentaries on Saul's conversion to Paul says, "The most important event in human history apart from the life, death and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth is the conversion to Christianity of Saul of Tarsus. If Saul had remained a Jewish rabbi, we would be missing thirteen of twenty-seven books of the New Testament and Christianity's early major expansion to the Gentiles." (IVP New Testament Commentaries)
There are many more stories of reluctant messengers. One of the first was Moses. Here's a guy who had been saved by God to do great things - all the Hebrew baby boys of his time were being killed yet he was saved. Moses ends up committing murder and fleeing the country, and then God appears to him in a burning bush. Instead of Moses rushing to do as he was told after great signs and wonders, he says, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And despite God's assurances, he keeps asking and saying, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me...." So God gives him all of these amazing signs he can use to demonstrate God's power. But it's still not enough. The rest of the exchange goes something like this:
Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”
Then the LORD’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”
Whatever it is that I am being called to, and whatever it is that you are being called to, stop doubting that people won't believe you are authentic because of something in your past. God calls reluctant messengers, often reluctant because of their tainted past or their human failings. The reason God calls those kinds of people specifically is because it is through those very real human flaws that He is so perfectly revealed. No one would believe it could be anything BUT God. Broken flawed vessels are God's favorites. Who expects the perfect sip of wine from a tin can? Who expects the most spectacular rose to grow in a junk yard? Who expects a world class operatic in a homeless shanty? No one. But God doesn't operate from a place of expectations. He only deals in the unexpected. Your message will be authentic not because you are the vessel, but because God's inside you. The wine, the rose, the voice.
Isaiah 64 - For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him...Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Romans 8 - I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Ephesians 3 - I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory...forever.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Perfect, Nearly
I was in a tizzy Friday night trying to lay out what everyone would wear for our pumpkin patch family photo shoot today. I decided after last year that every October I'd have the kiddos pictures taken in the MDUMC pumpkin patch to chronicle how big they are getting and I have Bray and I sit in for a couple of shots just so we have a record of surviving each year :)
Well, coordinating five people's outfits, with two small boys, one small girl, one adult male and one adult female, so that they "go" but don't "match" is QUITE a challenge. I'd settled on all three of the male outfits and was trying to make something in my closet work with my three options for the little lady (everyone else received, at the very least, new tops to coordinate). It was quite the ordeal.
As I was outlining the color palette decisions for him, my wise husband commented, why are you getting so worked up about this? Do we have to have a NEW "color palette" every year? It doesn't all have to be just perfect.
Hhumph. Well, I beg to differ. And I told him so. I replied that no, it wouldn't be perfect, but I should at least try to make it perfect. Then it would be...nearly perfect.
I can assure you that this morning was not perfect. First, there is a mosquito epidemic in Houston and my children are covered in bites, including all over their faces (though our photographer assured me that she could photo shop that out - thank heavens for technology). Second, the little lady was sick, and grumpy, and ripped her bow out so hard that it literally detached from the clippy-thing so there was no fixing it. The baby wouldn't smile, and he's our HAM. The eldest wanted to chase traffic. Bray needed to get to work. You get the picture (so to speak). But you know, our outfits coordinated. We got some good shots. It was good to see everyone together after our weekend apart. And I'm really glad that I made the effort.
It was, well, triplet perfect.
Well, coordinating five people's outfits, with two small boys, one small girl, one adult male and one adult female, so that they "go" but don't "match" is QUITE a challenge. I'd settled on all three of the male outfits and was trying to make something in my closet work with my three options for the little lady (everyone else received, at the very least, new tops to coordinate). It was quite the ordeal.
As I was outlining the color palette decisions for him, my wise husband commented, why are you getting so worked up about this? Do we have to have a NEW "color palette" every year? It doesn't all have to be just perfect.
Hhumph. Well, I beg to differ. And I told him so. I replied that no, it wouldn't be perfect, but I should at least try to make it perfect. Then it would be...nearly perfect.
I can assure you that this morning was not perfect. First, there is a mosquito epidemic in Houston and my children are covered in bites, including all over their faces (though our photographer assured me that she could photo shop that out - thank heavens for technology). Second, the little lady was sick, and grumpy, and ripped her bow out so hard that it literally detached from the clippy-thing so there was no fixing it. The baby wouldn't smile, and he's our HAM. The eldest wanted to chase traffic. Bray needed to get to work. You get the picture (so to speak). But you know, our outfits coordinated. We got some good shots. It was good to see everyone together after our weekend apart. And I'm really glad that I made the effort.
It was, well, triplet perfect.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Girls Weekend
Bray took BOTH the boys to the farm this weekend. I've actually been looking forward to it for a few weeks - I'd planned loads of girly stuff for little bit and me to do all weekend when there would only be estrogen in the house. I was looking forward to it right up until it happened. Then the boys left. And I have to say, both Lillie and I have been a little sad. She keeps wandering around saying "bubby" and "daddy," and I keep trying to fill up the quiet.
We had a great day - busier than any weekend could ever be if I had all three (it's crazy how much a mom of one is able to do outside the house on the weekends). We went shoe shopping, grocery shopping, wandering through an open air mall, snacked on cupcakes at a sweet treat spot, got her hair cut for the family photo session, had dinner with my best friend - we were BUSY. But when we finally arrived home, and sat to read and take baths, boy was it quiet. I love my little girl and I love that I have had on- on-one time with her. But I'm not going to complain (much) anymore about having three two year olds running around the house. As my husband would say, one would be so boring.
We have a big day planned for tomorrow too - a mommy and me music class, brunch, Build-a-Bear with one of her school friends - but I think we'll both be pretty darn happy to see that truck pull up for dinner time and welcome our boys home.
We had a great day - busier than any weekend could ever be if I had all three (it's crazy how much a mom of one is able to do outside the house on the weekends). We went shoe shopping, grocery shopping, wandering through an open air mall, snacked on cupcakes at a sweet treat spot, got her hair cut for the family photo session, had dinner with my best friend - we were BUSY. But when we finally arrived home, and sat to read and take baths, boy was it quiet. I love my little girl and I love that I have had on- on-one time with her. But I'm not going to complain (much) anymore about having three two year olds running around the house. As my husband would say, one would be so boring.
We have a big day planned for tomorrow too - a mommy and me music class, brunch, Build-a-Bear with one of her school friends - but I think we'll both be pretty darn happy to see that truck pull up for dinner time and welcome our boys home.
Little Bit leisurely awaiting her hair appointment while grooving to the tunes
Mommy and Little Bit having dinner with Aunt Mary
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Happy One Year Blog!
I'm doing a RARE departure from my Wordless Wednesdays because today marks the ONE YEAR anniversary of when I started blogging! (Technically I opened this blog when I got pregnant but didn't use it until October 19, 2010.) In honor of that anniversary, and in recognition of the fact that I didn't tell anyone I had a blog until months after I began writing, I worked over the past weeks to pull together a list of my five favorite blog posts. Turns out, that's like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. So I do have a top five list, as well as a honorable mention list, but the best part of this task was going back and reading 170 posts! So much has happened in my life and the life of my family over the course of the past year. The kids weren't even walking when I started writing and now I can't catch them. I hope you enjoy reading some of these as much as I've enjoyed writing them.
GINDI'S TOP FIVE FIRST YEAR BLOG POSTS
5. Mommies Camp Out - I believe this was the first post I shared publicly. It took a lot of nerve to share that I was writing beyond just my mom or two closest friends. This post was a gift because I had friends say such kind words, so it has some special meaning to me and it still makes me laugh (FYI - my kids love this school that we camped out to get into).
4. Our Story: An Interlude - This story still means so much to me. Largely because I believe these words every time I look into my children's faces and know they were designed by God for me. It's taken on even more special meaning since my sweet college roommate who spoke these words over us just shared they are expecting their third child.
3. Banshees (and Thank You Grey's Anatomy) - The main reason this made the list is because this IS how I think (sadly). But I also laugh hysterically every time I remember Will's laughing the poop right out of himself!
2. They're Stupid - I remember writing this post more vividly than almost any other. I can remember that exact scene in the show I describe and the relief that the boy felt when he was accepted and those hurtful labels were rebuked. I'll read this post to my kids - everyone should know they are priceless.
1. The Animals Take Over The Zoo - This one you've most likely read as it was my most viewed post since I've been writing. I had to include it as the most-read post and because it succinctly summarizes the chaos that is my life today. I could write this exact post now given the antics going on over at Briar Hill Drive :)
The five honorable mentions were actually HARDER to chose than the Top 5, but here they are: London, Day One: Fatigued - a must have because it was the first of my five installments about my trip across the pond; Screaming - this was one of my earliest posts and it combines both things I love to write about, my kids and my faith; Oops, I Hit It Again - this one mainly made it because I cracked up because I'd had the little lady saying "holla;" Wisdom - probably my longest blog post ever, I chose this because the words still resonate with me as I make decisions; Second Year Love Letter - I also wrote a love letter to my husband on our five year wedding anniversary but when push came to shove the trio's love letter eeked past his for the honorable mention.
And then, as one last summary note, I mean I did have 170 to go through, here's a post I love that I wrote about each one of the kids individually: The Eldest - The Bed Bandit, The Little Lady - She Dances, and The Baby Boy - Kisses.
So let me end by saying thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read when you're not my mom (I pretty much expected she'd read all of my posts). Thanks for dropping me a note to say you enjoyed something. Thanks for letting me share. Two songs spring to mind, and you couldn't get more diverse if you tried.
In the words of Elphaba in Wicked:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
Or in the words of Truth on So Far, So Good:
We have come so far,
You have been so good,
on the road that we have traveled,
I’ve got to tell You Lord.
I look at where we are and see where I could have been,
I need to say again,
You’ve been so good,
Who would have guessed that we would come so far.
GINDI'S TOP FIVE FIRST YEAR BLOG POSTS
5. Mommies Camp Out - I believe this was the first post I shared publicly. It took a lot of nerve to share that I was writing beyond just my mom or two closest friends. This post was a gift because I had friends say such kind words, so it has some special meaning to me and it still makes me laugh (FYI - my kids love this school that we camped out to get into).
4. Our Story: An Interlude - This story still means so much to me. Largely because I believe these words every time I look into my children's faces and know they were designed by God for me. It's taken on even more special meaning since my sweet college roommate who spoke these words over us just shared they are expecting their third child.
3. Banshees (and Thank You Grey's Anatomy) - The main reason this made the list is because this IS how I think (sadly). But I also laugh hysterically every time I remember Will's laughing the poop right out of himself!
2. They're Stupid - I remember writing this post more vividly than almost any other. I can remember that exact scene in the show I describe and the relief that the boy felt when he was accepted and those hurtful labels were rebuked. I'll read this post to my kids - everyone should know they are priceless.
1. The Animals Take Over The Zoo - This one you've most likely read as it was my most viewed post since I've been writing. I had to include it as the most-read post and because it succinctly summarizes the chaos that is my life today. I could write this exact post now given the antics going on over at Briar Hill Drive :)
The five honorable mentions were actually HARDER to chose than the Top 5, but here they are: London, Day One: Fatigued - a must have because it was the first of my five installments about my trip across the pond; Screaming - this was one of my earliest posts and it combines both things I love to write about, my kids and my faith; Oops, I Hit It Again - this one mainly made it because I cracked up because I'd had the little lady saying "holla;" Wisdom - probably my longest blog post ever, I chose this because the words still resonate with me as I make decisions; Second Year Love Letter - I also wrote a love letter to my husband on our five year wedding anniversary but when push came to shove the trio's love letter eeked past his for the honorable mention.
And then, as one last summary note, I mean I did have 170 to go through, here's a post I love that I wrote about each one of the kids individually: The Eldest - The Bed Bandit, The Little Lady - She Dances, and The Baby Boy - Kisses.
So let me end by saying thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read when you're not my mom (I pretty much expected she'd read all of my posts). Thanks for dropping me a note to say you enjoyed something. Thanks for letting me share. Two songs spring to mind, and you couldn't get more diverse if you tried.
In the words of Elphaba in Wicked:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
Or in the words of Truth on So Far, So Good:
We have come so far,
You have been so good,
on the road that we have traveled,
I’ve got to tell You Lord.
I look at where we are and see where I could have been,
I need to say again,
You’ve been so good,
Who would have guessed that we would come so far.
The Kitchen Pass
I was given a kitchen pass last night. Or a hall pass. Or general waiver. Call it what you will, my husband gave me a pass that I didn't deserve but that I appreciated long after it was granted.
I've been sad for a few days. Not for any reason, just a little down. Unfortunately, that makes me less than an ideal wife and mom. And I'd really been short with the kids during dinner. They are in a terrible fit-throwing phase that is kicking my butt, and I'd been surrounded by it all weekend. So when the milk spilled and the fork was used as a comb, I just lost it. Bray tried to diffuse the situation, but I was fried.
After the kids had gone to bed, I went to our bedroom. He came in later and asked what was wrong. Have you ever been asked that question, and you know something is off, but you just can't put your finger on it? Well, that was me last night. All I could come up with in response was, "I'm sad." And he said the simplest, most generous thing in response, "That's okay. We all get that way sometimes." He could have said a lot of other things in response. Things like snap out of it, or that doesn't give you a right to flip out with the kids, or what are you sad about - everything is fine, or let me fix it. But instead, he gave me a pass. Full fledged acceptance of my condition which allowed me to be sad without having to explain it or justify it or apologize for it. He didn't have to do it. Lord knows he doesn't always get a pass from me. It was the kindest thing he could have done.
When people are struggling in their marriage they are told to remember the reasons why they fell in love in the beginning. Sometimes it's nice to remember those reasons even when your marriage isn't struggling. Today, I remembered one of the reasons. During our first date, Bray asked me kind, thoughtful questions. When he found my parents divorced when I was 12, he had asked me how I had handled that given how hard it must have been for me at that age. Honestly, I'd never had anyone care before. He was thoughtful in December 2003, and eight years later nothing has changed.
Marriage can be hard, but it can also be the biggest blessing on the planet. I needed somebody last night to give me a pass and my kind husband did just that.
I've been sad for a few days. Not for any reason, just a little down. Unfortunately, that makes me less than an ideal wife and mom. And I'd really been short with the kids during dinner. They are in a terrible fit-throwing phase that is kicking my butt, and I'd been surrounded by it all weekend. So when the milk spilled and the fork was used as a comb, I just lost it. Bray tried to diffuse the situation, but I was fried.
After the kids had gone to bed, I went to our bedroom. He came in later and asked what was wrong. Have you ever been asked that question, and you know something is off, but you just can't put your finger on it? Well, that was me last night. All I could come up with in response was, "I'm sad." And he said the simplest, most generous thing in response, "That's okay. We all get that way sometimes." He could have said a lot of other things in response. Things like snap out of it, or that doesn't give you a right to flip out with the kids, or what are you sad about - everything is fine, or let me fix it. But instead, he gave me a pass. Full fledged acceptance of my condition which allowed me to be sad without having to explain it or justify it or apologize for it. He didn't have to do it. Lord knows he doesn't always get a pass from me. It was the kindest thing he could have done.
When people are struggling in their marriage they are told to remember the reasons why they fell in love in the beginning. Sometimes it's nice to remember those reasons even when your marriage isn't struggling. Today, I remembered one of the reasons. During our first date, Bray asked me kind, thoughtful questions. When he found my parents divorced when I was 12, he had asked me how I had handled that given how hard it must have been for me at that age. Honestly, I'd never had anyone care before. He was thoughtful in December 2003, and eight years later nothing has changed.
Marriage can be hard, but it can also be the biggest blessing on the planet. I needed somebody last night to give me a pass and my kind husband did just that.
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